Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places

I might be aging myself with this reference, but there’s an R&B song from my youth called “Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places” by Pretty Willie. There’s an older version from the 1980s for the extra-seasoned folks, but I recommend listening to Pretty Willie’s take.

Now when I tell you, this song was a huge hit during my high school days. It’s about the pain women experience while seeking love in all the wrong ways. The lyrics reflect the struggle of women who dress provocatively and seek validation through relationships, only to be left hurt when those relationships don’t meet their expectations and the men move on to someone else.

When I was in high school, I lost my virginity to my first love and what a terrible time that was. It was an intense experience, filled with the kind of overwhelming emotions that only a first love can bring. We were inseparable, infatuated, and ready to risk it all for each other. Sis, you remember how intense those feelings were for your first love? Yeah.

But then things changed. One day he started acting differently, entertaining other girls, and distancing himself from me. I remember crying my eyes out to this song, heartbroken and confused. I just couldn’t understand why he would switch up like that. Was I no longer attractive? Was it the clothes I wore? Did I not deserve love? Did he not love me anymore or even at all? Had he found someone else? Or was he just using me?

I found myself desperately trying to hold onto him. I skipped the bus to see him after school, made myself overly available, and lost sight of who I truly was. Deep down, all I wanted was to be loved… Does any of this sound familiar?

Sis, there is no judgment here. Many of us have been there, searching for love in all the wrong places.

I want you to know this: God is love, and His love is unconditional. Your worth and validation were established the moment you were conceived in your mother’s womb. They come from God, not from anyone else—whether it's the world, social media, friends, or a man. If I had understood this truth and had a relationship with God back then, I might have seen my own value more clearly. I would have waited and valued myself, attracting people who truly deserved me instead of chasing an idealistic love that was tainted in the first place.

I’m here to tell you, sis - you don’t want love from a man who is only attracted to your curves more than your character. You don’t want to be in reoccurring situationships where you’re constantly chasing after love and validation. You deserve more than a man who cheats on you and devalues your worth. You don’t deserve a man who only reaches out to you at midnight, only to disappear until the next evening when he wants to come over again. You don’t need to post half-naked photos online to find love. Those men will view you as an object rather than someone of deep value and respect. You don’t need to be with another woman’s husband to find the love your desire.

You are worthy of a love that acknowledges and honors every part of who you are, sis. Don’t settle for less than a relationship where you are loved and valued for your true self. Stop looking for love in all the wrong places.

You are not defined by a man’s desire or the way he uses you. You are created with a purpose, bought with a price, and are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. You deserve to be loved for all that you are—not just for what you can offer physically. Let God’s love be your guide and your source of strength.

Because remember your worth is beyond rubies...